


as long as i got you, baby

by squirrelhan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minho is the sweetest boyfriend on this planet, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, i'm so sorry jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:01:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squirrelhan/pseuds/squirrelhan
Summary: minho does everything to help his depressed boyfriend, jisung





	as long as i got you, baby

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS THE LAST STORY I'LL WRITE THAT INVOLVES HEAVY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES I'M SORRY

Jisung is walking back from the bus stop to his house. His head hanging low, his hair in front of his eyes. He remembers his mother scolding him every time he did that when he was little. "You could have been hit by a car!" she would say. It scared him when he was a child. He didn't want to be hit by a car. He didn't want to die.

Not that Jisung cared nowadays.

He started to hate his life more and more. He hates winter the most. The cold weather, stress at school and finals always end up in dark days. Literally and figuratively.

Jisung knows that he's depressed. His family knows that he's depressed. His classmates know that he's depressed. Not that they care about him anyway.

The only one who really cares about him is Lee Minho, Jisung's roommate and his boyfriend. Minho is always the best in making Jisung laugh, helping him when he has another breakdown or a panic attack. Jisung smiles. He loves Minho. 

Jisung opens the door of his dorm and is met with loud music. Minho is dancing in the living room while loudly singing some kind of popular song. Jisung can't help but smile when Minho quickly turns the music off.

"I didn't know you were going to come home this quick!" Minho says and runs up to his boyfriend. He gives him a big hug, knowing that the younger needs it. "How was school? How are you?" he asks.

"As usual. I'm tired", Jisung mumbles and plops onto the couch. He sighs and loosens his scarf.

"As usual? What is usual?" Minho takes a seat next to his boyfriend and grabs his cold hands, even though he already knows the answer. Jisung glances at him and a deep sigh is leaving his lips. 

"Hell".

Minho bites his bottom lip and kisses Jisung's forehead. "But you have a week off now, right? No school and time to relax", he says.

"But after this week, everything will start all over again!"

Jisung is looking at Minho with tears in his eyes. "W-what do you mean?" the elder asks confuse sly. "You know damn good what I mean. School, stress, depression, the voices in my head..." Jisung mumbles and lowers his head. Minho bites his lower lip and sighs. He feels so bad for the younger. He wishes he can just take his depression away.

“Do you want a hug?” he eventually asks. Jisung nods slightly and wraps his arms around Minho. “Thank you for caring about me. You're the only one that cares”, he mumbles. “Your family cares too, you know that”, Minho says and looks at Jisung, who wordlessly shakes his head. Tears appear in his eyes. 

“No. They don't ask how I feel or if I need help when I tell them I'm having a hard time. Remember when I send that suicide note to everyone and you found me? I've never heard anything about that from my parents. You do ask how I feel. You help me and even if you can't come to me, you call me like 100 times a day to ask if I'm okay. I appreciate that. I love you”, Jisung explains and glances at his boyfriend. A smile appears on Minho's face and he mumbles “I love you too”, against Jisung's soft lips. He thinks about that day again. He was still in high school back then and Jisung was sick at home.

He remembered saying to Jisung that he had to call him when he felt bad and Jisung nodded with a smile. The word 'always' left his lips. Minho already felt that weird feeling when he left the dorm. It only got worse until he got that horrible text.

_ 'I'm sorry. I can't take it anymore. I'm going. I love you and thank you for everything. Jisung.' _

Minho rushed home after that, scared that it was too late. But it wasn't. He found Jisung in their room, crying his heart out. In his hand he held a bottle of painkillers. Minho threw the bottle away, hugged him and they cried together. “I'm here, I'm here. You don't have to go. I'll keep you safe in my arms”, Minho had whispered in his neck.

“Minho? What are you thinking about?”

Minho snaps out of his thoughts. Jisung looks at him with a worried expression on his face. Minho smiles. “No, nothing. I'm just happy you're my boyfriend and that you're still here”, he says. Jisung smiles too but Minho sees the pain in his boyfriend's eyes.

“I'm sorry Minho, I hate myself too for all of this. I hate it so so much. Why can't I just be normal, just like you and a lot of other teenagers”, Jisung sighs and blinks to get the tears out of his eyes. It isn’t really working, because new tears are already streaming down his cheeks.

“Jisung... baby... everybody has their hardships and hard times. You have them now. But I promise you you'll get out of this. It'll get better one day. And I'm going to help you”, Minho says and kisses Jisung's forehead. But the younger sighs. “I'm going to sleep. I'm tired as hell”, he announces annoyed and closes his eyes.

Minho glances at Jisung in his arms. The younger boy had finally fallen asleep. His mouth slightly open to reveal his bunny teeth and if you listen quietly, you can hear his soft snoring.

A smile grows on Minho's face and he pokes Jisung's chubby cheek. He knows how much Jisung hates his cheeks. "Too fat", he'd say, "I ate way too much food. Look at me. I'm a pig".

Minho turns the TV off and kisses Jisung's forehead. "Sleep well, my love", he whispers. He falls asleep too.

He wakes up again when he feels Jisung mumble and squirm in his lap. Oh no. He ready knows what's going on, Jisung is having a panic attack. "Sungie, Sungie, wake up", Minho whispers and tries to wake up his boyfriend.  

It takes him a while, but Jisung's eyes finally snap open. He clamps himself against Minho while he keeps crying and whimpering. "Minho, Minho, help, I feel weird again", Jisung pleats and looks at his boyfriend. His eyes are filled with raw fear.

"I know baby. I know. Can you sit up for me? Keep breathing", Minho said when he sees that Jisung's chest is going up and down quicker and quicker. He is hyperventilating again. "I-I don't want to breathe", Jisung mumbles and closes his eyes.

A broken scream leaves Jisung's dry lips, as the feeling of fear and panic overtakes him. He brings his clammy hands to his hair, ready to pull some strands of hair out. "Breathe Jisung. I'm here", Minho whispers, trying to come over as a strong and protecting boyfriend but his voice cracks. He can't help it. It hurts him to see his boyfriend suffer like this. He deserves so much better.

"I don't want to breathe, Minho! I want to fucking die! I'm exhausted, I can't do this anymore!" Jisung cries. He buries his face in Minho's chest and screams as another wave of panic fills his chest. Minho caresses his back and lets the boy cry. He is feeling so powerless. Just like every time.

Caressing his back does help to calm the younger down. "Are you okay?" Minho carefully asks when  Jisung stops screaming and crying. A shaky sigh leaves his lips. "I-I g-guess", Jisung mumbles, his bottom lip quivering.

"Come on baby, hug me", Minho says and opens his arms. Jisung sniffles and falls into his boyfriend's arms. 'I-I don't know for how long I can handle this Minho... Everything is just so dark and gloomy. I feel like I'm slipping downhills more and more every day. There is no light in my life and I'm just a big fucking failure. I shouldn’t be here”, Jisung sniffles.

Minho lets him go and kisses him. “Sungie”, he starts, “if there's no light anymore in your life, let me be your light”, he says. “What?” Jisung asks and rubs his eyes. They are puffy and bloodshot from crying. “I want to be the light in your life. Let me be your light. Let me help you”, he says. Jisung smiles and new tears are rolling down his cheeks again. “Oh Minho, I love you. I love you so much”, he cries, hugging his boyfriend.

“I love you too baby. Wait, I'll grab my laptop so I can mail your psychologist”, Minho says and goes upstairs. He smiles when he comes back. Jisung has fallen asleep on the couch. He sits down, kissed Jisung's hot forehead and opens his email.

He is going to do literally everything to get Jisung out of this hell.


End file.
